Blocked

I think I’m having creators block.  Very similar to writer’s block, but worse I think.  And I’m gonna blame the Project 365.  I think it’s zapping my ability to be creative because of the pressure to put something up here everyday.   But then, I’m blaming something intangible instead of blaming myself.  My blog isn’t really what I want it to be.

I’m being vulnerable saying these things.  I realize you, friends, clients, potential clients, artists, writers, photographers…all of you who come here to check up, check out or compare, are seeing an unfulfilled idea.  I’m trying to figure out my personality type within this medium because as it appears, I’m a free for all kind of girl and don’t really target any one thing specifically.  Which is good in some ways but too chaotic and un-defining in other ways.   It’s very easy to get caught up in the current fads of photography.  I guess in some ways, I’ve become a follower instead of a leader in my medium.  A leader of my own insight, creative ability, and artistic impression.  I’ve become what I think I should be, instead of who I really am.   I’ve felt this way for a while but have been unable to fully bring it to a conscious level.

Until now.

And I’m afraid.  I’m afraid to admit that.  Because that makes me look like I don’t know what I’m doing.  Or where I’m going.  Or that perhaps I should be doing this at all.  And Project 365 is what has helped me to see and understand my discontent.  Am I here for me or for you?  Am I here to create and be artistic or am I here to fulfill somebody else’s expectations?    Am I contributing or am I clogging up the atmosphere?  And I think right now, I’m being more left brained about being right brained than right brained being the boss.  lol.

I’m going to be writing more about my struggle and trying to find a way to come out of this foggy place.  I hope you’ll stay with me.  I hope you’ll still come and support me.   I appreciate all of you who come, silent though you are, I appreciate you.