Can I just say that I’m lovin my life right now? Gosh, it feels good to say that. I’m such a tortured person, always feeling I’ve gotta fix something or figure something out or find the meaning and purpose of a situation. But right now, I don’t feel that way. And, AND (a big ‘and’), for the first time in eight/nine years of living here in Ohio, I have not had a battle with winter depression. Nope, I sure haven’t. AND it’s been the worst winter I’ve ever lived through. Snow snow snow!!! There is still snow on the ground. Snow fell at Christmas and it’s never left. It just keeps acquiring more layers of fresh snow. But tomorrow is March. And spring is RIGHT THERE…do you see it? Do you smell it? Can you FEEL it? So many things are coming together right now for me. There has been so much angst and sorrow and grief that consumed me for so long that finally I’m seeing and feeling some freedoms, as well as some blessings of enduring what I call a “back side of the desert” existence. I don’t wanna get philosophical or spiritual right now, but turning 40 this year has been poignant for me. They say, “Life begins at 40.” I believe for me this is so exceptionally true. God has really chosen this time for me to come into some things. Finally, the blanket has lifted. Years of questioning and confusion are making way for clarity and understanding. It’s a beautiful thing.
Another beautiful thing was my time in California. I am a summer time beach loving girl. My last day in LA was spent at the beach in Santa Monica. It fed my soul. I sat on the sandy curb to the board walk, ate a hot dog on a stick, watched children play on the mini-gym, listened to the seagulls cry, and let the sun fill me fill me fill me. I breathed in and out with ease and without constraint. No pressure. No hurry. It was a perfect day.
59:365
